Thursday, June 9, 2011

Revolving Doors

People often complain about change, are inflexible, get anxious. Life being analogous to a book, how else do you separate one chapter from another? Without these breaks, stops, and starts, this narrative would be a boring run-on sentence.

This weekend I come to the end of a chapter that wasn't planned. It never entered my mind as a possibility.

A week before the big change nearly 5 months ago, my future prospects in my work (I run my own business) waned and 36 hour weeks turned to 15. Margin was created in my life and an unsettling question of security crept in. An unfortunate situation occurred that created the need for me to step into the position of interim worship leader at our church. Sure, I love to sing. I've fronted a band, led worship every so-often, but never thought it would turn into even a short-term full time gig.

The time frame for finding a new worship leader was up in the air. The position is a difficult one for a church to fill. The estimate was a couple months to a year or more. My wife and I thought and prayed about it. It meant change for our family. The extra time required to do the job perfectly fit inside that margin that got created just a week earlier. I accepted the challenge and jumped into the world of ministry. Balancing work and family time with the demands of the worship leader position [selecting the themed music for worship, walk-in, and specials, charting, transposing, scheduling, practice, rehearsal, meetings, phone calls, texts] took a month to hammer out before we got into a good groove. I set aside one day (Tuesday) for all things worship: meetings, music stuff, most correspondence.

I found the new position easier than expected but something was missing. Like water into a cup that was unable to reach the rim, there was a crack that was keeping me from being completely fulfilled. The search took off and within two months, a prospect was found. Interviews and dinners and vetting. How could this be? It seemed that God had wrapped this gift, set it down in front of me, and in the midst of peeling away the layers of satisfaction, I forgot to read the tag on the outside of the present.

It wasn't for me.

My gift was finding myself and defining my path in the midst of something close to what I love, but the provision was meant for another person or group of people. An offer was extended and an end date was in sight. In God's perfect timing, I gained a new client and my other work has picked back up to the 30+ hours per week range just before I let go of the reins. Simply amazing!

The exciting part about knowing the final paragraph is coming is that a new chapter is about to begin. I have a rough idea for the outline of this new section. I'm keeping Tuesday as a "free day" to work on music, not work. I've had a music project camping out on my bucket list for too long and I want to mark it off by the end of the year. It has been an honor and a privilege to be asked to serve and to receive the support that kept our worship going.

This roundabout in my life reminds me of a poem by Billy Collins called "I Go Back to the House for a Book". Who am I without this experience? Who would I become if this chapter continued for another year? The answer to these questions is "exactly who I'm supposed to be."

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